repetition

This old cycle again...

Wish I wasn’t female. Again. Feeling betrayed by biology and society and the suburbs and myself. Fearing betraying myself. Keep walking. Notice how easily one foot places itself in front of the other.

I am desperately in need of new shoes. My feet and bad ankles ruin all my shoes. Need to sort out postural habits. Pronto. Knee is very bad lately. Show in three days.

 I am a little bit white.
I am sharp edged.

Starting to feel like I am eleven years old again. The car park lights are out. Everything is déjà vu . There are too many ducks. Too many green bushes. Too many words to read. I can’t even support cancer patients because of animal testing. San Remo canneloni is too small to stuff properly. People don’t hear me because I talk too quietly. My legs are the wrong shape. I forgot to shave the backs of my legs. Gave incorrect directions to a place I visit every day. Chose the wrong jacket and got too hot. I am lacking in fruits and vegetables. Staphylococci are chasing me - they insist on doing this every September. Today the world is a mirror for my head.

Duck asleep in the grass. Why is it so far from the other ducks? Approach duck. Duck wakes. Retreats. Feeling unwanted even by a duck. Sudden urge to cuddle the duck. It is a nice shape. I miss having a cat. Rosa's cat came home. Good. It can sit on its hairy red blanket.

Inspecting Danger 415 Volts. It is very much faded. There is little more than a parasite left. Should invest in some insect repellent.

 

It is much warmer in our house and always is. But I actually prefer the cold. Heat is stifling. I should have locked the door. Our house was empty and open for just over an hour.