When I do class I wear a lot of pins in my hair. Large amounts. People make comments about the excessive number of pins in my hair. I say that they are holding everything in place. My hair is quite thick and defiant. Especially after I wash it, it becomes very soft and doesn't have much grip. I look at other peoples' hair and wonder how it stays so neat while they are dancing.
Truly, my hair alters my headspace. That is why I wear my hair out at parties, when I want to feel fucked up; and why I wear it up to class, when I want to feel in control. Class is one of the few places I feel in control of my own body and even this sometimes fails me. Too often I am trying to be in control. It takes the enjoyment out of a lot of things. There is a difference between being in control and trying to be in control, which is a struggle and a failure.
There are also instances in which I think I have control, and then I realise I do not. Similarly there are instances where I decide to forfeit my control, only to realise this was apathetic of me. Quite a lot I struggle between whether I should be taking control or not.
Today in class my hair stayed perfectly in its neat bun. Even when we did turns. This is very unusual. Especially on a rainy day when the air is sticky.
I feel like this is mildly directed at myself? Anywho I love it and at least now I understand your crazy hair antics! You have such a wonderful way with words.
ReplyDeleteYou did bring it up yesterday! Claim to fame.But you're not the only one who has.
ReplyDeleteThanks love. Good rehearsal tonight. You guys looked great =]
I agree that trying to be in control is different and somewhat frustrating, but to me this is because it reveals my inadequacies, insecurites and fears. To be able to recognise these things is really important to learning how and what it is to be in control, so for that reason I reckon it's not a total failure :)
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with you actually - I think to be more specific I meant that trying to be in control is failing to be in control - maybe not necessarily a failure.
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm with you.
ReplyDelete