sunday mope

I get pretty lonely on Sunday nights. They make me feel really awful actually. I'm usually super tired and drained but fighting sleep, maybe I'm waiting for something to happen - yeah, I'm dissatisfied by the lack of energy Sunday nights have so I keep trying to find where it might be. But it isn't anywhere and then I just get more tired doing nothing. Nothing productive.

Sunday nights follow Saturdays nights (Rebecca Black much?) and so there's this weird anxiety to be around lots of people and having 'fun' or something. So there's just me in my downstairs room feeling sorry for myself and wishing I could go wandering without the threat of potential danger. Or having to walk up ridiculously large hills. Yes, there should be lots of people around me all the time. And listening to music which is pretty much heightening the problem and it's like this small, compact conflict over pushing the play button - needing to hear these songs that I know are going to make me feel worse than I already do and yet sound so wonderful.

Wah wah.

So much tea. Like trying to nourish myself since there is no-one to keep me company. Or even just a body in the next room. Bloody hell. There is a mannequin in the next room instead.

I feel so restless. And especially on Sundays. Especially on Sundays which follow closing night of your last show with a beautiful group of people and a hectic nocturnal trance and knowing there is two weeks ahead of your own head and some vacant sunshine (maybe if we're lucky). Hijasjnavdjvnakh.

I want to have adventures. Of the July kind. '08/'09/'10/'11. Warum werde ich nicht satt?