short exchange

my house is back to front
my bedroom is downstairs and I have to walk
upstairs
to the kitchen
there are bedrooms next to the kitchen
I am afraid that if I boil the jug for
a late-night cup of tea
I will be a bad flat mate
I cannot
feed sleepless hours with
cheese on toast
because oven trays clank around on benches
making scratchy friends
and people have class earlier than I do tomorrow

but they are sleeping now - so that's fair, right?

I don't like that the house is backwards
my bedroom is upside down
well I guess I have been trying to defy gravity for about thirteen years --
success?

and if I want to go for a wander in the street
the whole street will be quiet
but if I want to wander around my own house
I will be too loud
if I want to wander around my own head well, I am not allowed

if I want to wander around my bed
that is encouraged (but
you won't be any better off for it)

if I want to wander around the studio tomorrow
I will be told off
and then I will tell myself off
for wandering around my head
and if I don't wander around my head
I will be told off in the studio
and if I wander around the street
I will be told off by my mother
and if I wander around my bed
I will be told off by my mother
and if I wander around my head
my mother will probably think I am sitting still and being good
well done, she will say, you have
cured yourself
then I will wander around my head some more

it's all O.K. because there are things in the world such as
coffee
apples
orange juice
warm-up exercises
luck
eyelash curlers
very hot showers
icy cold showers
facial moisturiser
fear
self-deprecation
the numbers one through to eight and sometimes nine or ten
professional dancers who are better than me
life
spirulina smoothies
loud car horns
intrusive sunshine
text messages
full bladders
alarm clocks
suddenly remembering something
really good muesli in the cupboard... upstairs
refrigerated water
hills to walk down