snake hill, no exit

Singled out, I was
I don't even remember how we met --
something like, "let's
go for a walk"
but
why did we do that in the first place?

since and sense
since we weren't sensible
since learning of new acquaintances
since I have no regrets bar that October
consequent November
I'll keep my eye cautious

Too cautious, I was
and not
cautious enough, I was
making the wrong decision doing what was right
you are the original jump theory
the constant between us equal to what is between us now, after
I just remember your back
upper back slightly out of the covers
also trying to work out your shower
(semi-unsuccessfully)

since there was no way in or out
of you, or the situation
no way in to me
(I planned that though, with
you in mind
and not myself), since
July had found me new confrontations
which, like you, reappear from time to time
(on television adverts, mostly -- not like you
(this is New Zealand after all
we are small))
I am small.
Though now I am big compared to then
Now I am what you were, then
having spent three summers growing, now I am
Twenty
two-and-zero
Now I am the me I sought in you
finally, after, without you
clean possibility
only
slightly and well tainted.