away, out

They are all sitting around the table together. Some of them are eating bacon and some of them are not. You can choose whether you would like your eggs fried or poached or free range.

It is advisable to wear sunglasses in harsh light to avoid squinty eyes. They are all wearing sunglasses but I am not. This is often the case.

She reads books about molecules in the privacy of her bedroom and hair styling advice at the breakfast table. It's important to take an interest in a variety of things. A good way to do this is to split your personality: such as listening to music with home friends that reminds you of dancing with away strangers. Or similar.

One should ask important questions. Things like, How far up my leg should I shave? I suppose it depends on what one intends on doing with one's legs. Decent things, mother hopes. Or not, hope the boys and several of the girls except the girls are less likely to let you know this. The boys will almost always let you know even if they don't know your name.

Most girls also consider legs and what legs are capable of but they are not assholes for thinking these things, maybe just other names (if they act on their thoughts). Here, in five, I am the only one who thinks of boys' legs. I see what she means.

Mostly we end up in pairs. That's the ultimate goal for most and pseudo-pairs are an ideal way to exist until one finds the ideal pair. Myself and my book: a good pair. This is not the pair I would like to end up in although for the most part, now, it is pretty good.

Here is why five is a dangerous number: There are not enough for everyone to be in a pair and someone is going to end up with a book and if you don't have a book you are FUCKED.

These days, vitamins don't just come in pills but also in sunscreen. Sunscreen is good for you until you overdose. If you put too much sunscreen on it seeps into your bloodstream through your skin and poisons you,  I'm not even joking this guy told me last weekend and it's an actual serious threat and you could die. Just make sure you wear some sunscreen otherwise you'll get cancer. And die. Cancer is a serious threat. You are only allowed to make jokes about cancer if they are wildly inappropriate.

Everyone is reading the book. To be fair I picked it up first but you know what books are like, as soon as you put the book down another person snaps it up and then the same again; when she puts the book down yet another person flicks through its pages. The book is a slut. Times new roman - sexy.

Everyone wants to be literate so we all go to school. We are trained in how to read books from age five and probably even before that if your parents are respectable. They are reading books to babies now. It's disgusting. I hope they choose books which are wildly inappropriate.

Like books which have pictures of pink elephants and interactive textures. I guess they are trying to make reading an 'experience'. Baby (darling), you will probably grow up and end up stroking pink elephants. Sadly, most of us do. Sick. Wildly inappropriate.

Here's a trick: respectable people go for blue elephants. Blue elephants in suits are allowed. The kind which run when they see mice. Cowards. I would let a whole cage full of mice loose on them. Or I could just douse them in sunscreen. Yeah, that'd work. Then I could read as many books as I liked.