departure

I have to confess,
I love this hypodermic walk home
with the moon spilling larger light than usual
- though a large chunk of it
has already been eaten

I miss being out of my mind
in that totally controlled way

I miss wasting whole days
in the
only town I ever allowed myself

I miss living
on three hours' sleep, some
self-destructive ritual

I don't miss the rain

but I miss the feeling it gives me
when it floods out at this midnight hour
(and so lucky I just missed it..)
though - there's something sensual
in arriving
home, dripping

St. Vincent, she put it neatly
when she said bring me
your loves - I wanna love them too

I want to know everyone
and I want to have felt everything
before I depart this earth
for the place that leaks into it
when I'm most me
when I'm treading my mid-brain