activities that support the traditions

Today I watched a video about female orgasm and how it could be used to bring about more connection amongst the human race. I thought about how all my injuries have manifested on the left side of my body and remembered a teacher saying once that the left side is the "feminine" side of the body. Then I went to class in the evening and got pulled up for holding tension in my left shoulder.

I sat outside (slightly outside of) a circle of boys
noticed my place
noticed how fitting I felt amongst this gender
and still: incongruous
contemplated the success of my male peers, even in a
female-dominated sector
because of a female-dominated sector
I wished to have a body that could take a litre of vodka and
still fly across the room
(not because of wanting to drink, but for the
carelessness that seemed apparently without consequence
and the abandon attached to this capacity)

I saw the bronzed "Fiji Me" billboard and I thought, "they have chosen a woman because she is relevant marketing material for both genders - and despite this, still not holding power in the world as much as she does mounted up there."

I recalled a conversation with a work colleague about minorities. I considered my gay male friends, teachers. And how even they, in their minority, had advantage -- and moreover, still, subconsciously, unaware, unknowingly, hypocritically, asserted their right to authority over me -- as the dominant sex.

I considered that even in claiming my equal right to casual sex, I am still the half that carries the majority of riskful consequences, without choice. I considered that though I can have a career and a family (if I wanted it), this is in itself a burden and restraint. So again, in this freedom, I am still bound.

 I sat inside/out the circle -- which was, opressively, in my own house -- rearranged my hair, forced my attentive hand fixed by my side, resented myself for doing so, resented my sex for having to consider such things, resented myself for resenting my sex. Realised, ultimately, I am merely with any more power than I was in 1893.