and still appear normal

here in
this world in
my own world
I do not look at you
if I am talking, it is beside you
my eyes are preoccupied elsewhere
my tongue finds its own meaning, carved in bad enunciation

I am either
with myself
or
with the
internet

I haven't seen the world in days
though I have been living twenty years

I am learning that most people are incredible, except not.

duet

ear attached to arm
lying
on side
wriggling
to add to existing stuck arm
then, onto other side
then both arms
partnering
one improvises
watches a particular part of the other's body
not mirroring
but somehow
linked, or joined

Where does this inherent sadness come from
Why am I opened up by something good

2012

How do they do that? Splashing our details around the open air -- "Now, is Mister Saurali still living on Francis Street in Grey Lynn? Great." Great. So now, Sir, I will find him.

And, "Are you still together?"

How to deal with a sensitivity like that?

Booming it down the phone:
"I am a man and you are not."
"I am the nation's authority and you are not."
"I am the indigenous infestation of this land and you are not."
That is: We are white and you are not.

Really, in the end, it's not about skin colour. It's about birth right and acting like you belong. Dress, speak, think like us and you are in. If not, you are not.

Yes, white babies cry horribly too. Scream, kick, spit, shit. Grab your hair greedily. We all need to eat and stay warm and decipher this world, but we may not all eat or read or have soft soles. Those luxuries are an earned privilege. If you don't match our neo-Nazi checklist, get back in the queue please.

Oh yes, 2012 has arrived -- and it's not even December.

in silo

I am a child of this city.

I walk in its busy air
I sit wrapped in blankets in its parks
Sleep for a brief hour of mourning on its benches
Slip my toes in its mud
Meet with its people
Breathe with its urine-stained stairways
Escape its foresty borders
Learn its etiquette --

How quickly I have conformed to non-conformity.

I write with its cyclists
Set sail on the land
Camp in Aotea Square - but not in protest,
Just 'cause

Some of my bumper is fraternizing with the narrow offices-come-parking buildings.
I roller coaster down the motorways
swerve, crash, survive
I block up the roads
with my emergencies, my democratic right

I give birth to the next generation.

I sit sheltered in the light of the SkyTower
Putrid orange
I am,
The cliche:
A "Jafa", and reveling in it

I am running the concrete suburbs
Listening to local music
Hastily side-stepping Margaret's ghost
Small-faced gait
Straight ahead

I am the minority.

of hand-held gestures
and held-held devices
and hand-held love

Every inch of my travels begs a
specifically-selected soundtrack
Piano, when outdoors
Violin for in
I drink my wine atop Mount Eden
and my coffee in St. Kevin's
My daily, fortnightly initiation
Parnell Chocolate Treat, the locals'
show-off for visitors
Which even there (a milky treat parlour)
accommodates this city's
"diet aware"

We are
almost
partly --
not quite,
really
Twenty-Four Hour Operational
(less so if we are not bin-scavengers)

I am a child of this city
You will find my placenta in the trash.

nude, on podium

While I am,
on the cliff-edge of sleep,
the toes of distraction grind
their oversized nails
into my right shoulder
Split the skin
Wind deeper through the seven
layers of tissue
There is a well of satisfaction bleeding in my right shoulder

While here
My ribs and clavicle press the air
like a body does against a lovely found stranger
The bony parts of me
looking for negative space
Being shaded grey, I am
in high contrast eyes of 360 degrees

I'll saunter around and look at all the
Versions of me
And the old cliche
fits: Every one is different.

We are all the same, but different.
I stole that off an automobile ad.

I am on a podium
I -
am the performer
Here I am, performing
making my cup of tea
Stirring it slowly
and
dramatically, what...?
It is sticky in the creases of me
Where I am sweating
and discharging other loathings
There's no shame in this body, I
promise you

See that sore under my right hip bone
red with pus swollen
See that dark shadow under my breast
Yes, you will see it
I haven't drawn anything for your shape
Those details don't concern you, anyway

You can smudge me
Mark me in orange
Make circles of my broken knees
You will have it all
It is for you anyway
My body is the only thing left, really
and it is not mine.

The Most Fun You Can Have Dying

"But I am alone, and it is beautiful here."

to do list

things to do

things I should be doing

things I haven't done

things I won't do

things I need to do

things I am doing

what else I could do

the body is
High Maintenance
pluck this
remove that
clip these
wash here here and here
wash hair, wash hair

shampoo that mop -- but not too much!
you don't want oil, you don't want to be oily

make sure you get enough
IRON IRON
B6, 9 and 12
vitamins, water

Drink more green tea

tape up plaster over stitch up
heal heal
heel

touch this
kiss that
hold here and here
oh please
I need
three times daily to protect, to prevent, to supplement

make sure you wear enough clothes
don't leave the house without a jacket
"Your body will thank you..."

starve a fever/feed a cold
don't starve yourself, don't eat too much
eat healthy
...treat yourself once in a while

pluck wax zap AGAIN
forever, or until you give up, or bald unusually (?)
DON'T shave, it's bad for you --
for your skin, I mean
a different slime to lather every part of the body with
exfoliate --
but not too much!
you'll go dry
your skin will go dry
you'll be scaly like a reptile
you'll have to use
clinical product

Exercise.

Exercise.

but careful which shoes you wear
careful what surface you run on
careful what suburb you live in

see a physio
see a GP
see an orthodontist
see a gynecologist
see an optometrist
a psychologist

get 8 hours sleep --
not seven - you'll die prematurely
not nine - you'll die prematurely

don't smoke drugs
don't smoke-- DON'T smoke
don't inhale drugs
don't swallow pills
don't drink... too much
don't over-exert yourself
try to take it easy
just chill out,
just chill out
just chill out

Just. Look. After. Yourself.