liive

on stage
I've committed many suicides
and had others commit them for me
knowingly and
                         unknowingly

I've died many
tiny deaths, I've
melted into the
masses, drowned
in their arms.

I've performed my own baptism
I've held a chalice to my lips
I've swamped myself
in a duck-shit-filled lake
in the name of art
I've snuck around the sleeping
I've begged, borrowed and stolen
I've clambered through labyrinth limbs of strangers
I've lived inside a tiny box

I've stood for five hours, freezing
and rinsed myself blue
I've broken bones
and worn out tired kness
I've scraped the inside of my stomach
I've let strangers put their mouths on mine

I've breast fed plastic dolls
I've stood on giant pedestals
I've exposed my flesh
over and over, so many times I've lost count

I've been lifted up, trodden on, dragged
                                                                by my hair
I've let people cut my hair
                                           off
I've let people
                       etch signs into me

I've left my sweat in foreign cities
I've stuffed food into / onto my face
I've flown giant birds
I've borne the the onslaught of abuse
and made many people smile

I've written countless bad poems
and never spoken one.

I've died many tiny deaths
and orchestrated countless suicides

I want the certain ritual
of being
reborn.