"I am not my thoughts and feelings, I am merely the observer of them."

http://1giantmind.org/

September

It's difficult to believe that in the last moments of life before, I arrived home from your bed, shoes in hand, head full of beauty and went for a run. I ran further than I'd ever run (at that time) - right through the Domain, across Grafton Bridge, down K' Road and right back around to my shitty decaying flat that occupied space beneath the Khyber Pass on-ramp. It was as if I was fuelled by charging overnight with you, squeezed into a single bed like my best friend and I used to in high school, when we were smaller and bigger all at once. Comfort in the lack of space.

I really did think that was a beginning - and it was, in some ways. The beginning of the next segment of my highly-categorized life, the one that came limping out of After Graduating and went crawling into "Outward Bound". Feeling hands-first into The Unknown.

Everything anyone ever wanted was felt in that morning. And lost two mornings later. Hopes and dreams. Naivety. Childhood. What do you want to be when you grow up? and Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, but I disagree with that. I've the best tint in my glasses. They show me the unseen, the unheard and the unfelt.

reversal

I have learned to love myself

and thus I find difficulty in an-other.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOlAd5bG_Zk

five in five on Sunday

 It's 5:35am and
  for the fifth time I'm
 falling into you, into
the teacups clattering overhead and
  the hazy glow of a
lost moon surfacing through the clouds

    and in my subconsciousness
it's daylight.
  you're outside in some
 non-existent space
 thats actually like your backyard in real
life. You claim that after this, I
   now "know" you, but still I
  feel indebted to

 the one that says
he loves my laugh
  and insists he can't dance though I've
seen it in my own eyes.

"If you always do

what you've always done

then you'll always get 

what you've always got."

bodytalk

you can come back now, she said

but I didn't open my eyes -

they weren't done

seeing.

revelry

I have to document you.
Because I hope you will be around later.
and when you are,
I want to be
flicking back through my posts
and find that day
(this day) and remember

how you kind of whirled me into a kiss
on the corner of your street and
I fumbled out some words, not really expecting anything
and then,
then I was kissing you back
and wary of future leaving
but actually
would have very happily
just kept kissing you on that corner
for a long time - I feel sad like I forgot to
let my palms drink you up
but I was wary of a car approaching (with its lights)
and also hadn't really expected you to -
but very happily could have just kept
talking to you, and holding
your head in my hands
and your neck, in my hands
all night -

that would be quite nice, yes, but, it is
Tuesday. Tuesdays are not for staying awake all night
with strangers (though mine could be and has been)

Your back was warm and I
like your height, even though it doesn't matter
(but everyone seems to think it does) - but yours just
suits you
and you were the perfect small amount of
shy, so endearing - but
luckily not too shy to
kiss me
goodnight

5:13

I love, actually
that moment when (you) come back to me
and I can taste myself: like
I've gone full circle.

mornebriation

I love stumbling 'round the kitchen 

first thing in the morning, still

drunk with sleep,

atlas lurking in some other world

and even though it's very brief,
it's nice hovering in-between

'til I'm pulled back to earth 

by breakfast and a shower 

pangs

I'm so greedy

I'll have you

even when parts of me 

are still leaving 

myself

some of the time

you've been greedy; not only 

acquiesced but

reveled in it

and pulled my hair

and held me in bind

and threatened me for

taking dessert

sometimes, it has

caused you to fast

and I've regret my own glutton 

for things that are beautiful 

I do eat 

with my eyes, and I 

can taste the good in everything

(though I also, quickly

sniff out an odd aftertaste)