shameless plug

Please come watch me dance/throw some stuff at Alexa. That's about it really. There are green spotted dresses and balancing on books and giant pieces of perspex.

That is not me dancing in the picture, by the way.

THIS WEEK
Tues 30 Aug/Wed 31 Aug @ 8pm
Galatos venue on Galatos St (off K rd)
$10 - bargain.

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Please come.

cool man

These are legit excerpts from my diary when I was 12.

26 September:

Ms. Roberts packed a nervy spas today. Laura farted at about 30 decibels. We all flashed the rugby players. And said hi to passing oldies. But other than that, nothing really happened today.


16 October:

Pizza for dinner tonight! Who doesn't like pizza? It's just so yum. Here is the part where I make up a poem about pizza:

Ode to pizza.

Oh pizza sitting on the bench
Why can't you see
That your olives are yummy
And your pineapple scrummy
And your ham is meant to be
(In my mouth)?"

October 24:

Grandparents day. DON'T ASK.

5 November:

"Everything Cailtin has done to be a dick:

1. She calls me a stinge every 20 seconds. 

2. She said I stole her eyeliner. I don't even wear eyeliner and the only thing I have ever stolen was a half eaten lolly when I was two AND I gave it back.

3. She told Laura that I would try to steal Tom off her 'cause I was jealous HELLO! I am her best friend and I don't even like him?!

4. Everyone in our group EXCEPT ME knew she was going out with Reagan Denton (of all people).

5. She eats bega cheese stringers!

Honestly, I think she deliberately tries to piss me off all the time.

15 November

Laura's having boy probs. Her bf's being WAY too possessive and glares (!) at other guys when she social dances with them. Anyways, here is what I am wearing to the Form Two Ball: 

Hair: Messy bun with curls and dimante clip.

Top: Red halter top.
Skirt: Long black skirt (ew) accompanied by mum's silver belly chain.

Shoes: Strappy black shoes which are really cool! (High-heeled, of course).

Toenails: My own, unfortunately. They look like shit! I have mutilated toenails! I will have to give them a clip and apply some of that sticky red nail stuff. Why? Why are they so mutilated? WHY!!!???

(Later):
There are some of my almost new year's resolutions:

1. I will (somehow) get Isaac to like me (which is damn near impossible).
2. I will learn all of the dances and have heaps of fun at the ball.
3. I will (try to) keep my desk and my room clean.

17 October

AM
GOING
OUT
WITH
ISAAC!!!
YES! WOOHOO!!!

Hilarious. What a nutcase child.

tidy

When I was still living at home and bad things happened between people I would start doing the dishes and cleaning up the lounge. It seemed like a practical way to show support without dwelling on or intruding upon the people involved with the problem (when I am publicly upset I like to be left alone so I can pull myself together because if anyone shows any concern or love I won't have any hope of controlling myself and then people will think I am selfish or attention-seeking or dramatic (which I am a bit (which is probably why I don't want them to think this))). So I guess doing practical chores in the face of adversity seemed like a good way to help without sending the person over the edge with personally compassionate gestures. Also a good way to avoid getting stuck in the middle of the situation and thus suddenly and unexpectedly becoming a part of the problem.

I still do this (undertaking practical tasks) sometimes but not as much because while at home I was quite closed off and disconnected from the situation happening around me and had plenty of school work and extra-curricular activities to distract me. I had friends with homes in different towns and a car I could drive wherever and whenever I liked to physically remove myself. In my last year of high school I was hardly ever at home. No matter where home is or how fond of it I am, I have always liked not being home. When I was home and sometimes even when I was not it felt like I was a pillar of sanity and objectiveness amongst illogical turmoil. Nothing affected me and I didn't see why it should. I was probably actually what people call 'cold', sometimes.

Then one time, I think maybe at the end of first year (2009) I went home one time (rare occurrence) and suddenly realised the enormity of the situation and balled my eyes out. Everyone else was over it (in that coping way, not actually over it) and felt incredibly strange and sad.

The next day I woke up and felt small. I always feel small in Cambridge. And quiet. I flew out to Sydney for 2 months and resumed a semi-nomadic lifestyle quite disconnected from 'home' and felt very at home away from home and thinking a lot of my new home in Auckland and maybe future homes. That was a good section of life.

Now that I am in places I actually want to be in I am super connected to the people and spaces I encounter everyday. And it's much more confronting then when I lived at home. I still try to cram my life with other things but not for distraction from others, more for a distraction from the possibility of failure. There is always the hope that a semi-perfect utopia will emerge from the existing goodness. Goodness feels stagnant and complacent. So practical tasks are a good way to occupy otherwise-bare moments. Like taking a stack of chairs back to where they came from at the end of a long day, at the end of a long week, in a languid gap that wasn't meant to be and then was and then wasn't.

Chairs and a table. That's what this post was meant to be about.

niagara falls (USA side)

Understandably my expectations of the falls was that they'd be HUGE. After a bit of research I discovered they are 53m high. A mighty 2m shorter than Bridal Veil falls in Hamilton. Here is a picture of Bridal Veil Falls in Hamilton, New Zealand. 

Admittedly, Niagara falls has a flow of 600,000 litres per second. I'm sure this is much more than Bridal Veil falls (can't find the amount online, probably an amount which doesn't pull the tourists).

Niagara Falls is much more impressive from the Canadian side because you can look at them front-on, but I took those photos in a different format and can't seem to upload them. Here are some photos instead from the US side, for now:

Two countries one photo.

You could pay ridiculous amounts of money to wear a thin yellow poncho probably of a similar quality to that which you would buy at a two dollar shop and stand underneath large amounts of water and become quite saturated and then get mad at yourself for forgetting to bring a spare pare of clothes and trudge grumpily back to your car and get chaffing between your thighs along the way. Dad said, "do you want to do that?" I said "no thank you."

The international bridge between the States and Canada (did they used to swim before it was built?)

Boat's gettin' owned.

Churr Dad. I really did enjoy the trip, honest. Sorry if I didn't look happy. I'm gonna blame the jet lag.

no noodles natalie

Pretty proud of the fact that in all my two and a half years and two weeks and four days as a student I have not ONCE ever resorted to two minute noodles for lunch.

Claasssaaayyyyyy.

sleep (lack of)

Tiredness, I have always known you quite well. But these last couple of months our relationship has been heading towards new extremes. We are pretty much BFFs now. Like, we know each other real well.

Not really able to commit to that sort of relationship. Y'know? Too intense. It's difficult. I'm pouring all my energy into you and not getting much in return.

I'm sorry, Tiredness, but our relationship is unhealthy. I've known this for a long time but I've put up with you; convinced myself it's ok, maybe even necessary. But this can't go on. I'm going to have to end it.

The last six or so days I have been imagining the feeling of someone smashing a large, heavy object (square and angular) into my head several times over, Lars von Trier style, so that all the slithery insides within the many cables of my brain squeege out of my head like poo-coloured putty out the rear end of a two dollar shop plastic key ring animal.


Just like this:

make the speakers go boom boom

Here is a review I wrote for my friend Matt. His group EVOLP recently released their EP. Check it out yo. There is a link down the bottom you can download.

Chromatic (EP)
EVOLP MUSICK

EVOLP are Unitec student Matthew Moore and his mates Sam Slaughter and Andrew Cesan (creative aliases Terbo, Caset and Lapse respectively). Produced by Chris Mac-Jones, their recent EP Chromatic release features nine tracks in a neat 29 minutes of fresh hip-hop rap with a definite kiwi influence and an honest, articulate voice.

Although they are young EVOLP have much to say. The EP hugely projects a sense of their identity as young Auckland males. In true kiwi style the EP dabbles in other genres and is innovative and explorative while remaining relatable.

Refreshingly, EVOLP manage to avoid the chronic disease which plagues emerging NZ artists as they try desperately (and politely) to prove themselves in a country which “isn’t big enough to make it”. EVOLP belt out their lyrics without apology, full of fierce and fiery yet inoffensive testosterone and the hungry energy of urban youth. It doesn’t feel like they are doing this because they think they have to, this is just how they do it. Their sound is loud and competitive and although this alone doesn’t make them stand out, their lyrics suggest they are “the new kids on the block”.

The album begins with a two minute “skit” in which the characters (EVOLP) are abducted and taken over by “beats”. I’m not entirely convinced by the skit but it grabs my attention for being courageous and playful. Chronologically the songs are fluid. Towards the end the pace borders on becoming monotonous. Fortunately the last track, Demolish, delivers brutal, high-energy attack that verges into dubstep. I had actually heard this track before as an instrumental and was pleased lyrics were added to it for the EP. It’s a great outro.

There’s a contrast between chilled, easy-listening beats and more dynamic, confronting lyrics. The lyrics are as musical as if not more so than the beat, but this means that sometimes the lyrics carry the music. However, in an EP that is so focused on what the artists have to say it’s likely this is an intentional choice. EVOLP has stories they urgently want to share. Not lame, faux-real stories about a harsh upbringing in the Bronx with an alcoholic mom and an underpaid job until finding a musical ‘break’. I easily warm to EVOLP’s earnestness. It’s quite clear that they intend their music to be more than top 40 entertainment. In saying that the accessibility of some tracks could easily get them radio play.

There is a LOT of information to digest at first but the more I listened the more I appreciated it. I generally don’t listen to this genre but EVOLP’s lucid ideas, information and gutsy opinions make them far more enjoyable than shallow and superficial rap that leaves the listener unaffected. At the very least, this music is provocative. At it’s best it’s daring yet receivable and well-crafted.

The boys' website is here and you can download their EP for FREE from their soundcloud. DO IT.

dear cat

dear Cat,
I love love your violent affection
I love your noble alertness
I love your passive aggressive tendencies, dear Cat
You hold your duties with the utmost responsibility
no-one will stop you
you will save the world
defending the defenseless species homo sapien
one red woollen blanket at a time

dear Cat,
I am going to steal you from your
rickety cane throne
cart you down the hallway
plonk you on the end of my bed and
demand your company.
you will not have a say in this.
don't you shake your whiskers at me, Mister
don't you squint those eyes at me
mister
don't forget --
I am homo sapien
you are merely feline
I don't need saving from red blankets
actuallyI can take perfectly good care of myself, cat.

dear Cat
please come back
I didn't mean what I said
I like you really
I need you, really
(your company, I mean)
this red woollen blanket is going to swallow me up if you
don't come back and sit on it with your gargantuous furry mass
I need all the company I can get
feline variety included

I am only homo sapiendear Cat
I don't know what I'm doing, really
I am violently affectionate of myself
and noble enough that others will take notice of me
I am passive when I should speak, defend
aggressively overcommitted to the many duties of mine I have but don't want
I am without sense of responsibility
(although I do, of course, intend to change the world)
no-one will save us --
Stop the world!
Defend yourself!
you, dear human, need taking care of
and I know just the blanket who can do it

335

Sometimes, when I am in public places
I recall a Significant Event from my lifetime which
happened here
and I think, "It should really make me squirm being here
right now, all those memories"
but it doesn't.
It doesn't even feel like they're my memories.
They must be someone else's -- I feel too
detached
from
them
(though I still remember every detail, as if that
someone told me their story twenty times).